World DominationAs every evil super genius knows, there are certain things you just absolutely need if you're planning on world domination. And here's a checklist to help you remember it all! |
Future SchlockThis isn't the way the future was supposed to be! Where are the flying cars, the jet packs, the moon base, the intelligent robots, and all the rest that was promised by the year 2000? |
World Domination 2As every evil super genius knows, there are certain things you just absolutely need if you're planning on world domination. And here's a checklist to help you remember it all! |
Stunt DoubleSure, action heroes look cool, but everybody knows their stunt doubles do all the dangerous stuff. Wouldn't it be great if we all had stunt doubles to do all the dangerous stuff so we could look cool? |
Oh Yeah?When a horse gets angry at another horse, does he tell that horse to screw himself and the man who rode in on him? |
Whine & CheeseTired of people around you whining all the time? Feeling a bit sarcastic? Well, why not ask them if they'd like some cheese with their whine with this funny design featuring an adorable mouse? |
Talk to the HandTired of people all around you complaining all day long? Do you want to tell them all to shut up so much you feel like you're going to burst? Well, the Talk to the Hand Burster design is for you! |
Gene PoolNot to be elitist or anything, but there are some people that just should not reproduce. If you're gonna pee in the gene pool, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave. |
Talk to the HamTired of people all around you complaining all day long? Too polite to tell people to "talk to the hand"? Well, the Talk to the Ham design may be just what you need! |
Porpoise in LifeHave you been looking everywhere for your purpose in life? Well, I'm afraid I can't help you there, but I can help you find your porpoise in life! |
Out of My MindYes, it's true -- I'm completely out of my mind. Don't worry, though -- I'll be back in five minutes.... |
Free AdviceAre you tired of people always offering you or asking you for free advice? Well, now you can let them know, once and for all, that free advice is worth exactly what you pay for it.... |
Failure1Don't you love those cheery motivation posters that inspire you to do great things? No? Well maybe you need a different sort of inspiration. Because failure is definitely NOT an option around here! |
Way to a Man's HeartThey say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. In fact, though, the real way to a man's heart is through the inferior and superior venae cavae. |
Failure2A lot of places claim that failure is not an option. Not around here, though! Not a day goes by that something or somebody doesn't break or get blown up. In fact, failure is ALWAYS an option! |
I'll Be Bach!If 'The Terminator' was about famous classical composers instead of time traveling cyborgs, maybe instead of 'I'll Be Back' Arnold would've said 'I'll Be Bach... and you can be Beethoven!' |
Musical RelativityMost people are familiar with Einstein's famous "Theory of Relativity." Less famous is Einstein's "Theory of Musical Relativity" and his equation that E is equal to F flat. |
I'll Be Bach (2)So, what if a certain time-traveling cyborg decided to disguise himself as a famous Baroque composer? Instead of saying, "I'll be back" he could say "I'll be Bach." And then he would terminate you. |
No FoolPeople always say their mama didn't raise no fools. Well, my mama actually DID raise some fools. I just wasn't one of them... Perfect for family reunions. |
I Ache, Therefore I AmA sense of humor helps when dealing with chronic pain, whether it's fibromyalgia, arthritis or just old age. Well, at least the aches let you know that you're still alive. I ache, therefore I am! |
Studies Show...I'm a big fan of the scientific method, but the only study I really believe is the one that shows people are much more willing to believe just about anything if you preface it with "studies show..." |
Too Close!The perfect gift for an optometrist or anybody with a good sense of humor, this wacky eye chart spells out a very special message. If you can't read it, try getting a little closer.... |
Last NerveSome people are really annoying. They get on your nerves. Other people go way beyond annoying, though. They've been on your nerves for so long that you're down to your last one, and they're on it! |
Simplified Tax FormTaxes don't have to be complicated. The government just wants all the money you have left over every year, so why not just have a single, simplified tax form that's straightforward about it? |
Like My Boobies?Do you like my boobies? Blue-footed boobies, of course, straight from the Galápagos Islands. Why -- what did you think I meant? |
Loading.... Please WaitIf you're like me, it takes a little while before the morning cup of caffeine really takes hold, and until it does your brain is only partially loaded. |
Strong Like Bull!Sure, I'm strong like bull! Unfortunately, I'm also smart like tractor... |
I Have No IdeaDon't you hate it when people just blather on even though you don't have a clue what the heck they are saying? Now you can let them know that you have absolutely no idea what they are talking about. |
Oncoming TrainThey say no matter how dark it may seem, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. What they don't tell you is that sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is just the oncoming train.... |
This GuyWhat has two thumbs and is awesome? Point your thumbs at yourself and let the world know that you're the guy! |
Alibi1Ever notice how suspects on TV crime shows start off denying they even know the victim and then progress from alibi to alibi once each statement they make is shown to be a lie? |
Thingy!There are two types of people in this world: those who are good with words and those who are... ummmmmm... thingy! |
Alibi2I didn't do it! And even if I did do it, nobody actually saw me. And if somebody did actually see me do it, well, it was self-defense, I swear! |
Rocket ScienceWhy do people always use rocket scientists as the epitome of intelligence? I mean, sure, rocket science is hard, but it's not exactly brain surgery.... |
Do Not Attempt!Car commercials always run the fun by stating, "Professional driver on a closed course. Do not attempt!" Well, now you can let the world know that you ARE a professional driver on a closed course! |
Brain SurgeryWhy do people always use brain surgeons as the epitome of intelligence? I mean, sure, brain surgery is hard, but it's not exactly rocket science.... |
Grammar PeevesPresenting the Top 10 Grammar Peeves! Whether you are an English teacher, student or just lover, now you can join the fight to educate the unwashed masses. Grammar Police unite! |
Grammar PoliceWelcome to the Grammar Police Force! Here's your official badge for all the world to see. Wear it with pride and go forth to educate and correct the unwashed masses. |
Grammar Police (2)Does poor grammar drive you insane? Do you already have your official Grammar Police badge? Well, now you can have some official Grammar Police Tape to go with it! |
Grammer PoliceThe perfect design for members of the Grammar Police who still have enough sense of humor to laugh at themselves. Because nobody said the Grammar Police also had to be perfect spellers... |
Spelling PoliceWelcome to the Spelling Police Force! Here's your official badge for all the world to see. Wear it with pride and go forth to educate and correct the unwashed masses. |
I'm Loosing My mind!Tired of people constantly confusing "lose" and "loose"? Use this hillarious shirt to point out that the word they keep using does not mean what they think it means... |
PunctuationDon't you hate it when people post messages completely devoid of punctuation? Let them know there's plenty to go around and they can borrow some of yours.... |
Loosers!Do you hate it when people mix up the words lose and loose? Why fight it? This tongue-in-cheek design announces to the worlds that spelling is for loosers! |
EquationWhether you're really well-versed with the intricate mathematics of quantum field theory and particle physics or just want to pretend you are, this design lets you make others feel stupid.... |
Save a Carrot!My vegetarian friends are always talking about how animals have feelings and that I should feel bad about eating them. Well, what about the vegetables' feelings? Save a carrot, eat a cow! |
Natural LawEverybody knows that fish got to swim and birds got to fly, right? It's just natural law! Except, well, I guess somebody forgot to tell the flying fish and the penguins about what they 'got' to do... |
Eat More Meat!My vegetarian friends are always talking about how animals have feelings and that I should feel bad about eating them. Well, what about the vegetables' feelings? |
Aging GracefullySure, people tell you that you are aging gracefully, that with maturity comes great wisdom, or that, like fine wine or fine cheese, you're getting better with age. But we all know it's a crock, right? |
Not Going Gray!Those first few gray hairs can really be worrisome. Well, don't worry -- just tell people you're not actually going gray; you've just decided to become a platinum blonde, one hair at a time... |
Getting OlderEverybody says that birthdays are no big deal and that we are getting better, not older. Yeah, right! Tell that to my receding hairline, my aching joints and my weakening vision.... |
I'm not old!Old is such an ugly word! Why not "Experienced", "Mature", "Seasoned", "Golden Aged", "Worldly" or even "Chronologically Advanced"? |
Time FliesThey say time flies when you're having fun. Well, that may be true, but lately I've noticed that the older I get the faster time flies whether I'm having fun or not.... |
Older & FasterAll right, I'll admit it -- as I grow older, the stories I tell about when I was younger seem to get better with each telling. And when it comes to my driving habits, the older I get the faster I was. |
18-year-old body (1)Tired of friends who hit the gym and brag about their physique? Now you can brag that you have the body of an 18-year-old (and boy is he going to be upset when he sees what you've done with it!) |
18-year-old body (2)Tired of friends who hit the gym and brag about their physique? Now you can brag that you have the body of an 18-year-old (and boy is she going to be upset when she sees what you've done with it!) |
18-year-old body (3)Tired of friends who hit the gym and brag about how they have the body of an 18-year old? Now you can brag that you also have the body of an 18-year-old (buried under the floorboards of your attic...) |
Poker???Poker, poker, poker! It's everywhere you go and everybody is talking about it. Everyone except you, of course. After all, it's just a card game.... |
Soccer???Whether you're a soccer fan/player with a sense of humor or just want to show the world you don't get what all the fuss is about, this design is for you! |
Butter???Fans of dumb humor will appreciate this wacky and silly design. See how many people have to say it aloud before they get the joke. Low brow? Of course! It's still funny, though.... |
I Beg to Differ!I beg to differ! That's right, I'm going to get on my knees and plead with you to let me differ. Oh, please, please let me differ. Pretty please with sugar on top? |
Do Not Remove....Remember those old 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' mattress tags that listed all the components of the mattress? Well, now you can wear your very own version that lists all of your components! |
Sax & ViolinsThey say there's too much sex and violence on TV, in the movies and in every aspect of our daily lives. And they're probably right. But there's not nearly enough sax and violins! |
StatisticsThe great thing about statistics is that you can pull them out of thin air and use them to support whatever ridiculous premise you want to prove. |
Generic DesignsWelcome to Generic Designs -- generic shirts, hats, mugs, buttons, magnets, posters & bumper stickers. You know they're generic because they have a bar code and the word "GENERIC" printed on them... |
DerailedSorry if I seem a bit distracted -- my train of thought just got derailed.... |
Inlaws1My husband complained that I never compliment him. So I told him that his in-laws were much nicer than mine. |
Institution of MarriageEveryone says that marriage is a wonderful institution, but what if you're not ready to be institutionalized yet? |
Inlaws2My wife complained that I never compliment her. So I told her that her in-laws were much nicer than mine. |
No MondaysIf you're like me, your mood is determined by how far away the current day is from Monday. This goes way beyond simply looking forward to Friday. In fact, I think Mondays should be abolished. |
No Mondays2Do you really hate Mondays? I don't mean just dislike, but with a hatred that burns with the unquenchable fire of a thousand million suns? If so, this 'No Mondays' design is just what you need! |
I Don't Do MondaysIf you're like me, your mood is determined by how far away the current day is from Monday. This goes way beyond simply looking forward to Friday. In fact, truth be told, I just don't do Mondays.... |
Not MondayMy mood is determined by how far away the current day is from Monday. So, no matter how bad the rest of my week is going, I can always look on the bright side that at least it's not Monday. |
Not a BugMy computer program caused your hard drive to crash and all your files to be permanently deleted and you think it's a bug? Hey -- my software doesn't have bugs; it's just an extra special feature... |
We're Doomed!Every day we hear about a new potential disaster that could destroy us all, from global warming to asteroid collision to super volcanoes, etc.. So why worry? No matter what we do, we're DOOMED! |
Me and TheeEver get the feeling that the only people who aren't insane are you and perhaps your closest friends? And sometimes, you're not even quite sure about them. |
Curses!Whether you're a fan of fencing or just appreciate a good (or bad, as the case may be) pun, this design is for you. It features the symbol of a fencing man and the words, "Curses! Foiled Again". |
Life is FatalNot to be overly cynical, but despite all the talk about curing various diseases I can't help thinking that there's one particular condition which has a 100% mortality rate... |
Two TypesThere are two types of people in the world -- those who divide people into two types, and those who don't. I'm in the latter group, personally. How about you? |
Three TypesThere are three types of people in the world -- those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder, "what happened?" |
10 TypesAs any computer geek worth his salt knows, there are 10 types of people in the world -- those who understand binary, and those who don't. |
Reality vs. Sci-FiPeople who are stuck in reality and refuse to explore new worlds do so because they can't handle science fiction! |
Left MindsIf only left-handed people are in their right minds, doesn't that mean that only right-handed people are in their left minds? No wonder I've been feeling so Liberal lately.... |
Reality vs. FantasyPeople who are stuck in reality and refuse to explore new worlds do so because they can't handle fantasy! |
Nietzsche1Friedrich Nietzsche once said, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." Well, maybe so. Sometimes, though, that which doesn't kill us can still leave us crippled for life... |
TolstoyEverybody knows that famous Russian author Leo Tolstoy wrote "War and Peace." Wouldn't it be a hoot if somebody named Warren Pease wrote a biography of Leo Tolstoy? |
Nietzsche2Friedrich Nietzsche once said, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." Well, maybe so. Sometimes, though, that which doesn't kill us just makes us a bit stranger... |
Baby on BoardAll right, you don't have to be a surfer to appreciate my own little take on the classic "Baby on Board" sign -- perfect as a maternity shirt or as a gift for anybody with a sense of the absurd. |
CruciverbalistIf you're a fan of crossword puzzles or know somebody who is, you may or may not know that the word "cruciverbalist" is the technical term for somebody who does them. |
Just Kidding!"Oh my! Look, everyone -- I'm about to give birth to a baby goat! Naaah... I'm just kidding!" Makes a great gift for anybody who is pregnant and has a good sense of humor. |
Golfers Have a Lot of BallsGolfers may not have a reputation for being particularly brave, courageous or gutsy, but nobody can deny that they certainly have a lot of balls! Makes the perfect gift for the duffer in your life. |
Sour GrapesDon't you hate it when people accuse you of just having sour grapes whenever you complain about anything? Well, just remember -- sour grapes make the best whine! |
Pet PeeveI always hear people talking about their pet peeves, and yet nobody ever shows me a picture of them. I mean, I see their pet dogs, their pet cats, even their pet hamsters, but never their pet peeve. |
FlagpoleYou've heard it said, "'run it up the flagpole and see if anybody salutes," right? Well, I DID run it up the flagpole. Sadly, nobody saluted... |
MadnessThis was lies madness. Or maybe it's that way. No, no -- it's definitely this way. All right, so maybe I'm a little crazy. You say that like it's a bad thing.... |
Time for Change!Ever notice how every politician claims that it's time for change and that they are the ones who can bring it? Well, I like change! Especially large bills, although quarters will do in a pinch... |
It's Not The GunsSome folks say that guns don't kill people -- people kill people. With guns. But it's those little metal pointy things that are really to blame! |
GraduitLooking for a great gift for a recent graduate? This humorous design shows that all those years of study haven't gone to waste: "Four years ago I couldn't even SPELL graduit. And now I IS one!" |
HumilityBeing humble can take a lot of effort, so be sure to let everybody know just humble you are. After all, shouldn't you be proud about being the world's most humble person? |
Fan or Stalker (1)?In this age of celebrity worship, there's a fine line between merely being a devoted fan and a deranged stalker. Have you crossed the line? I guess that's for others to decide. |
Mental IllnessStudies show that 1 out of every 10 people suffer from some form of mental illness or another. So, take a look at your 9 closest friends and relatives. If they all seem normal... |
Fan or Stalker (2)In this age of celebrity worship, there's a fine line between merely being an extremely devoted fan and actually being a deranged stalker. Have you crossed the line? |
Evil LaughOne thing every evil super genius needs is an evil laugh. Just make sure you take a deep breath, though. There's nothing worse than having to gasp for air right in the middle of a good evil laugh.... |
SBD NinjaAll right, so you're feeling a wee bit gassy. Fortunately, your farts may stink to high heaven, but nobody can hear them. You're officially silent but deadly. Just like a ninja.... |
Technical DifficultiesDon't you hate it when you buy a shirt (or a mug or a poster) and the text goes on the fritz just as you're about to show it off? I guess all you can do is please stand by.... |
Pickles?I've often heard it said that, when life hands you lemons, you should make lemonade. Well, that's great, but what if life hands you pickles instead? |
Life Isn't FairTired of people around you always complaining how their life sucks, how they don't get what they deserve and how they never get any lucky breaks? Well, give them a news flash: life isn't fair! |
KingdomYou know what they say -- in the kingdom of the blind, the one-armed man is as busy as a one-legged paper hanger in an ass-kicking contest. Or something like that... |
Best Things Are Free*They say the best things in life are free. As this humorous and wacky design points out, however, nothing in life is ever totally free, and it's important to always read the fine print. |
Fine LineThey say there's a fine line between genius and madness. I think i just crossed over, but I'm not sure which direction.... |
awwwww, crap...Ever have one of those days when nothing seems to go your way and it's just one minor disaster after another? After awhile, all that's left to say is, "awwwww, crap..." |
Cat WalkingAre you a cat owner whose favorite feline figuratively and literally walks all over you? Don't be ashamed! Tell the world you love to be owned by your cat! |
Dog WalkingAre you a dog owner whose favorite canine figuratively and literally walks all over you? Don't be ashamed! Tell the world you love to be owned by your dog! |
Ferret WalkingAre you a ferret owner whose favorite furry friend figuratively and literally walks all over you? Don't be ashamed! Tell the world you love to be owned by your ferret! |
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Free Political PrisonersFree political prisoners! That's right, absolutely free! Well, in specially marked packages, that is.... |
Save the Whales 2Save the whales! Trade them with your friends! So far I've got the Blue Whale, the Gray Whale, the Humpback Whale and the Orca... |
SincerityIt's important to always be sincere. Even if you don't really mean it... |
ParanoidNo, I am NOT Paranoid! Er... Why are you asking, anyway? |
PointyYou've got a point there! Now all you need is a hat to put on it... |
Whip It WellSo, what do you do if you're a huge fan of 80's rock groups like DEVO but also a confirmed grammar nerd? Now you can point out that it should be "whip it well" instead of "whip it good." |
Proper Word ChoiceProper word choice is as important as good spelling and grammar. My wife wasn't too happy when I told her she looked absolutely ravished in her new dress. I mean ravenous. No, wait -- ravishing! |
Mind in GutterAll right, I know what you're thinking. Sheesh! Why don't you get your dirty, filthy mind out of the gutter (so mine can pass by, of course...) |
Tall MidgetTired of being average? Ever wish that there was something you could truly be the best at? Well, you're in luck! Now you can proudly announce that you are officially the world's tallest midget.... |
Steenkin' BadgersFans of "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre" will recall the classic line about not needing no stinking badges. Badges don't stink! Now, badgers -- they stink the place up something awful! |
Short GiantTired of being average? Ever wish that there was something you could truly be the best at? Well, you're in luck! Now you can proudly announce that you are officially the world's shortest giant.... |
IQ TestSo, anyway, the other day I finally decided to go and take an IQ test. I just got the results back, and they were negative. Er, that's a good thing, right? |
heart spade clubDo you "heart" (love) your dog? Have you "spade" (spayed) your cat? Please don't tell me you also "club" baby seals! |
Love of PiSome people might say they love you like a fat kid loves cake. As for me, I love you like a fat mathematician loves pi.... |
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Objects in Shirt 1Objects in shirt are closer than they appear. I'm not really sure what this means, to be honest, but it's guaranteed to cause a few double-takes as you walk down the street. |
Objects in Shirt 2Maybe you can't always wear form-fitting outfits that show off your natural assets to their best advantage. Let the world know that objects in your shirt are bigger than they appear.... |
Objects in Shirt 3If you've got it, flaunt it. In this world of Wonder Bras and other "enhanced cleavage devices", now you can let the world know that, yes, objects in your shirt really are as nice as they appear. |
G.I.G.O. 1Remember when computers operated according to the simple principle of "Garbage In, Garbage Out"? That was before computers became self-aware and took over the world, of course.... |
I Broke the InternetDon't you hate it when you keep getting "HTTP 404" errors telling you that a web page can't be found? They tell you it's not your fault, but you know deep in your heart that you broke the Internet... |
G.I.G.O. 2Remember when computers operated according to the simple principle of "Garbage In, Garbage Out"? That was before computers became self-aware and took over the world, of course.... |
Caffeine MonkeyAll right, it's true -- I've got a monkey on my back, and its name is caffeine. For years I said I could give it up whenever I wanted, but I've got a serious addiction going here.... |
SpecialistA "Specialist" is (or should be) defined as someone who learns more and more about less and less until he (or she) knows absolutely everything there is to know about nothing whatsoever. |
Chocolate MonkeyAll right, it's true -- I've got a monkey on my back, and its name is chocolate. For years I said I could give it up whenever I wanted, but I've got a serious addiction going here.... |
Dragons 1In ancient times, mapmakers put "here be dragons" on parts of the world that were uncharted, indicating the mysterious and dangerous things that might possibly be found there. |
Dragons 2In ancient times, mapmakers put "hic sunt dracones" (here be dragons) on parts of the world that were uncharted, indicating the mysterious and dangerous things that might possibly be found there. |
Dragons 3In ancient times, mapmakers put "here be dragons" on parts of the world that were uncharted, indicating the mysterious and dangerous things that might possibly be found there. |
Dragons 4In ancient times, mapmakers put "hic sunt dracones" (here be dragons) on parts of the world that were uncharted, indicating the mysterious and dangerous things that might possibly be found there. |
Big CatWhat's the point of having a dog so small it can fit in your purse and has to be carried everywhere? All I know is, my cat is bigger than your dog, and that's just WRONG! |
StaffHere's the standard "staff" shirt with a musical twist, perfect for anybody working at a concert or other type of musical performance. It features a standard musical staff with a G Clef. |
Not AddictedAll right, so you drink 10 cups of coffee a day and can't live without it. Does that mean you're addicted? Heck, no! Maybe you just suffer from caffeine-deficient blood.... |
Get a LawnThe world is a scary place sometimes. Telling everybody to please just get along doesn't seem to be working, so how about we all just get a lawn instead? |
Not LazySome say that the Law of Conservation of Energy states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed. Personally, I think it just means I'm required to conserve energy.... |
PopularityI've always said that life is not a popularity contest. Of course, I'd probably feel different if I were actually, you know, popular... |
Exaggeration'If I've told you once, I've told you a billion times -- DON'T EXAGGERATE!' Sound like somebody you know (your mother or father, perhaps)? Well, now you can give them this wacky, light-hearted design |
It Could Be Worse...Another design inspired by my father who, whenever anybody complained about anything, loved to point out that it could always be worse. It could have happened to him! |
MistakenHere's another design inspired by my father, who just always had to be right about everything. In fact, as he liked to point out, he thought he made a mistake once, but he was wrong. |
Always RightThere are two important rules. Rule #1 is that the wearer of this shirt is always right. Rule #2 is that, in the event that the wearer is actually wrong, you should refer back to rule #1. |
Hell in a HandbasketYes, it's true. We're going to Hell in a handbasket. In fact, there's the exit to Hell up ahead.... |
Needless to Say...Have you ever noticed that people always say, "needless to say" and then go ahead and say it anyway? Well, when people ask you what's needless to say, you can reply that you don't need to tell them... |
NonconformityEver notice how so many people who claim to be nonconformists seem to conform very closely to a specific notion of nonconformity shared by all the other "nonconformists" they know? |
Reduced StressAre you surrounded by people who are constantly stressing you out? Well, now you can let them know that you're on a strict reduced stress diet and they are NOT on the menu! |
PhenylalanineAs seen on diet soda labels everywhere, this design warns Phenylketonurics (people suffering from PKU) that you contain the essential amino acid phenylalanine and should not be eaten. |
Broken ClockThey say that even a broken clock tells the correct time twice a day, meaning that everybody has a chance of being right some time. Sadly, some people are more like broken digital clocks.... |
Missed Me!What a narrow escape! There I was, walking down the street and minding my own business, when a couple of thugs unloaded their clips right at me! Fortunately, they only managed to hit my shirt.... |
Good Farmer 1How can you tell a good farmer? It's easy! He's outstanding (out standing) in his field... |
Old School GamerAre you an Old School Gamer? Show the world you could teach kids today a thing or two about real gaming, the way we did things back in the 80s. |
Good Farmer 2How can you tell a good farmer? It's easy! She's outstanding (out standing) in her field... |
Undo ButtonIn this wonderful age of techology, when just about everything comes with a computer chip embedded inside, I can't keep wondering why life itself can't come with an undo button? |
Junk ExpandsThe lesser known fourth Law of Thermodynamics states that "Junk expands to fill available space." You don't need to be a physicist to understand this one. |
RedundancyMy own version of the old "Department of Redundancy Department" joke, printed as a nice little name plaque. |
No Stupid QuestionsAs my old boss used to say to me every day, there's no such thing as a stupid question -- only stupid people who ask them. |
PeasantsThe peasants are revolting! Seriously -- would it kill them to take a shower once in awhile? I mean, phew! They stink! |
Not an ActorWant to make friends, family and complete strangers do a double-take? Then proudly announce that, while you may not actually be an actor, you do play one on TV.... |
I'm ResponsibleDo you tend to cause a lot of problems at work, school or home? Look on the bright side -- at least you can honestly say you are a very responsible person.... |
In Soviet Russia...Remember the 1980s? Remember Yakov Smirnoff and his jokes about Soviet Russia? Well, in America you might wear this shirt, but in Soviet Russia this shirt wears you! |
Astrology Is Bunk!Tell the world that you think that astrology is pure bunk! Of course, that's only because people born under your particular sign are naturally skeptical.... |
Who Is Victor?I keep hearing the expression, "To the Victor go the spoils." I just want to know, though, who this guy Victor is and why gets all the spoils.... |
Emergency Broadcasting SystemIf you grew up in the U.S. during the 1960s, 70s or 80s, you probably remember your Saturday morning cartoons being periodically interrupted by a test alert from the Emergency Broadcasting System. |
Who Is Will?In just about every war scene, whether it be in the movies, on TV, or in a book, somebody always shouts, "Fire at Will!" Well, I just want to know who Will is and why everybody is firing at him.... |
I Put the BompFans of 60s music will remember the song that asked, "Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?" Now you can tell the world that it was you! |
I Put the RamFans of 60s music will remember the song that asked, "Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?" Now you can tell the world that it was you! |
I Put the BopFans of 60s music will remember the song that asked, "Who put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop?" Now you can tell the world that it was you! |
I Love HonkusInstead of honking if you love Jesus, why not jeez If you love Honkus? Who is Honkus and why should you jeez if you love him? I really don't know, but I love him anyway! |
Jeez If You Love HonkusNot much to say about this one, other than the fact that it's an old joke that makes me crack up whenever I think about it. Why honk if you love Jesus when you can jeez if you love Honkus? |
Honkus Is My Co-PilotSure you can honk if you love Jesus, but why not jeez if you love Honkus instead? I'm not sure exactly who Honkus is, but I sure do love him. In fact, Honkus is my co-pilot! |
Whole-Assed!Don't you hate it when people do a half-assed job or do something in a half-assed way? Well, this wacky and humorous design featuring a donkey lets the world know that you do everything whole-assed! |
Placebo EffectPatients given a placebo (usually a sugar pill) often get better, and this is attributed to positive mental attitude. What if it's just because sugar pills can cure most diseases? |
Earth RevolvesWho cares what other people think? Deep down, you know you're the most important person on the planet. Because, as a matter of fact, the Earth DOES revolve around you! |
Lip-syncWhether you're a certified choir geek or just love to sing, let the world know that you don't lip-sync to anybody else's vocals. Other people lip-sync to you! |
AliensIt's important to try and understand alien cultures, but some things just can't be understood. After all, the thing about aliens is that they're just so, well, alien... |
DisclaimerWhy must every single product include a mile-long disclaimer either admitting that the product won't actually do what the ad just told you it would do, or warning that it might actually kill you? |
ExceptionIf there's an exception to every rule, then wouldn't this rule also have an exception to it? But if so, then the rule wouldn't be true and some rule wouldn't have an exception to it after all. |
Further AdoEveryone always says, ""without further ado" when introducing someone or something. What if I want further ado? It's unfair, I tell you! |
Giddy SchoolgirlSure, you're a manly macho man -- rough, tough and extremely gruff. That doesn't mean that you still can't feel as giddy as a little schoolgirl every once in awhile.... |
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No Intolerance!We can fight disease, hunger and natural disasters, but only if we can put aside our differences and work together. So remember -- intolerance will not be tolerated! Er, wait.... |
People, Places & ThingsHey -- I'm a very busy person! I've got places to see, things to go and, er, people to do. Wait, that didn't come out quite right.... |
Rhettorical QuestionFans of "Gone with the Wind" and lovers of the English language will probably appreciate this punny example of a Rhett-orical question: "Frankly, my dear, do you think I give a damn?" |
Been There, Done That...Nothing fazes you any more, because you have truly been there and done that. And now, after your long journey, you have finally arrived here. What else is there left to do but buy the shirt? |
Friend of my FriendThere's an old Arabic saying, "The Enemy of my Enemy is my friend." If this is true, does it mean that the friend of my friend is my enemy? |
GeneralitiesNo single statement or description can possibly cover every individual instance, which is why all generalities are false. Errrr... except for this one, of course. |
I'm Offended!If you're offended by everything and everybody, especially by people who get offended with the fact that you're offended, well this is the design for you! |
Select TwoPeople always want things done quickly, cheaply and well. Now you can use this witty design to let them know that they can have any two out of those three. |
I'm Offended! (2)Don't you love it when people start off by saying, 'No offense...' and then proceed to say something totally offensive anyway? |
This Is Not a...In honor of Rene Magritte and his famous "The Treason of Images", here's a series of designs that declare that your shirt is not a shirt, your hat is not a hat, and your mug is not a mug. |
Any KeyI think there's something wrong with my computer! Every program I use and every manual I read keeps telling me to "press any key to continue," but I can't find the "any" key anywhere.... |
Don't Ask!Don't you hate it when people ask you how you're doing and then turn away before you can actually tell them? Or else they get annoyed when you say more than "I'm fine, how are you?" |
Fat Is Such an Ugly WordFat is such an ugly word! And if you happen to weigh more than an anorexic teenager and have more curves than a toothpick, there so many other wonderful adjectives available! |
Freedom of SpeechDon't you just love people who think that Freedom of Speech means that they can say anything they want, anytime they want, wherever they want? Sorry, but only the GOVERNMENT can't restrict your speech |
TuxedoThis design announces that your other shirt is, in fact, a tuxedo. The perfect gift for anybody who regularly wears a tux (waiter, musician, etc.) or anybody with a sense of humor. |
Hard to Be UniqueAs a nonconformist, don't you hate it when people start copying your style and suddenly it looks like you're the one following everybody else? |
Non-ViolentEvery notice how some people claim to be non-violent, but then, if somebody makes the mistake of actually accusing them of being violent, they get all, well, violent? |
ROTFLMAOSHIFOMCASTCIt takes something REALLY funny to make me ROTFLMAOSHIFOMCASTC (Roll On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off So Hard I Fell Off My Chair And Scared The Cat) |
Intelligent Dolphins?I know it's important to protect dolphins, but I can't help wondering why, if they are so intelligent, they keep getting caught in the tuna nets in the first place.... |
Very HappyDon't you hate it when people ask whether you're gay because of the way you talk, act or dress? Well, now you can let everybody know that you're actually just very happy.... |
Boggled Mind 1Have you had your mind boggled lately? I'm not sure exactly what that means, but it can't be good! Just remember -- a boggled mind is of no use to anyone! |
Having FliesYou've heard it said that time flies when you're your having fun, right? Well, as this whimsical design points out, it's all a matter of perspective. |
It's a Secret!As soon as people find out you have a secret, they just have to know what it is. Well, let them know that if you told them, it wouldn't be a secret anymore. Plus, you'd have to kill them.... |
Ignore This!What is wrong with people these days? Just because you have something written on your t-shirt means they are entitled to read it or something? Who the heck do they think they are, anyway? |
Not Yet RatedWhy are films the only things that get rated? What about shirts, or posters, or magnets, or mugs? It's discrimination, I tell you! |
SuperiorityJust because you feel superior to those around you doesn't necessarily mean you have a superiority complex. Sometimes it just means you really ARE superior to everybody else.... |
HeadlinesHave you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines! |
Rhetorical QuestionAny diligent English student or teacher knows what a rhetoricial question is. Personally, though, I think they're pretty useless. After all, who needs rhetorical questions? |
BreadbasketRemember the game of 20 Questions? Sure, it's easy to answer whether something's an animal, vegetable or mineral, but why does everybody ask if it's bigger than a breadbasket? |
Crazy EnoughSometimes you really do have to be crazy to work at your job, and the only question is whether you're crazy enough to work there. Are you crazy enough to work? |
My BrotherYou know the old saying, "If it's not one thing, it's another"? Well, in my family, if it's not one thing, it's usually my brother who's responsible for the mess.... |
Curtains!Have you ever actually looked carefully at venetian blinds? So simple, so elegant, and so eminently useful. And remember -- if it weren't for venetian blinds, it would be curtains for us all.... |
I'm Not Upset!This design was inspired by my lovely wife and her "special" time of the month (otherwise known as PMS). I've learned not to ask her why she's so upset during this time.... |
Perfect MemoryThey say that one of the first signs of aging is loss of memory. Well, my memory is perfect. It's the recall I seem to be having trouble with lately.... |
Can't Be Bought!Hey -- I'm a man of integrity! I'm not for sale and I definitely can't be bought! For the right price, though, I can be rented by the hour.... |
Figment of My OwnEver get the feeling that your whole life is just a dream and that you'll wake up and discover you're not really who you thought you were? If so, you just might be a figment of your own imagination! |
Bad AnalogyLife is like a birdbath. It's round, made of concrete, filled with water, and, uh, birds like to splash in it... OK, so maybe it's not a very good analogy after all. |
Mug TamperingIt's a federal offense to tamper with a public drinking water system. Let everybody know that you consider your own personal drinking system to be just as important. |
Decade ConfusionSo, here we are, more than halfway through the first decade of the 21st century, and we still don't know what to call it. The Zeroes? The Ohs? The Aughts? |
Higher EducationWhen it comes to higher education, everybody knows what "B.S." stands for, but did you know that "M.S." stands for "More of the Same" and that "Ph.D." stands for "Piled Higher and Deeper"? |
MemoryThey say that the first two things to go as you get old are your memory and, er, I forget the other thing.... |
Elder GodsThe elder gods traveled to their great hall beyond time and space, and all I got was this lousy shirt/mug! The perfect gift for fans of Lovecraft or general science fiction. |
In the Big InningHow do we know that God is a baseball fan? Just look to the Bible -- the very first sentence starts out with, "In the Big Inning, God created the Heavens and the Earth...." |
I Brake for Tailgaters
$5.99 |
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My Child Was Inmate of the Month....
$5.99 |
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